I want to be an imbecile, but I don't know how. Can you help me?
Fear not. Or do. We're pretty much indifferent to your suffering. But hey, if you want to join imbecile nation, it's as simple as slicing off your thumb with a carving knife! Just clicky-clicky on this thingy and the magic of technology should make your life whole.
But wait! What do I get as part of my joinership in this rather questionable organization? Is there a risk that I will be hailed before a Congressional Committee? If you have time to do things like read this web site or listen to our podcast, then you probably aren't important enough for Congress to care about.
Seriously, what you'll get from us, you spongers, is a newsletter update and the same unfettered access to the Blog(ge) that every other slob with internet access gets. What else do you want just for clicking on a two dimensional faux-button? Sheesh!
You know, you people really make me want to eat my own upchuck, with your simpering, entitled whining, and your rock and roll music. I want things! I don't want to pay anything! The world owes me entertainment! Well, you've got another thing coming, you filthy wads of cat phlegm! Once you get our newsletter, your entertainment days are OVER! Do you hear me??? OVAH!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!